Life Empowering

Slighty Different

May 17, 2007

If he doesn’t pull you back, he’ll push you off.

That statement been told to me for several times, and I
(with my mind) accept and know it, yet it hasn’t become flesh in me (means,
only theoretical understanding).

For some people, with their own life background, satan tends
to pull them back, maybe those people originally tends to be passive, or their
background life and situation make them tend to be so. For example: There’s an
opportunity in front of A. It is a great opportunity (or something God has planned
for), yet it might take some courage for one to take the opportunity. God wants
A to take it, but satan doesn’t want A to take it. A try to take a step
forward, yet troubles come, satan intimidate A, A tremble and fall, and satan
keep intimidating A, and A become more and more discourage and finally giving
up things that God wants A to possessed. This is a type that tends to be pulled
back.

But there’s also people who tend to be bold and quite a risk
taker. This kinda people tend to walk in their own strength, moving forward,
and might lack of discerning spirit. As some of you might say, it’s my (the
writer’s) type. HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA! C’mon man! Relax, don’t be that
serious (I have faith that you read this post ^^’). OK, enough fooling around,
back to the topic (…. what? …). It happens in the way they act. As for me, in
my driving style (… man.. TT_TT, brani nya bagus la, tapi sembrononya ndak
babar blas), in the way dealing with things, and so on, including the way I
walk, my mom said that since I was little (means in kindergarten or even
younger) I usually moved forward fastly, have a tremendous moving power, YET
lack of self control, so I was usually bump into desks, chairs and all their
mortal followers. And before you shout your comments as a protest act due to
the recent statement, I admit, I still have it right now, but not as severe as
in my younger days Ahahahaha…

Well, what I’m tryin’ to say is… I CAN’T WALK for approx. 1
month after fell down from my church main stairs like an Iguana (even I don’t
seem to know what the correlation between falling down and Iguana). And now,
here I am, on my bed, typing this post, with a gypped leg. I know everything
happened, happen for a reason. As for me, it is part of education. I must learn
something from this (I pray for The Holy Spirit to teach me), and also now I
know (although it isn’t perfectly) how others feel when they get sick (I used
to be not sensitive with others pain… not that I mean to, but I don’t really
understand it). And also with this condition, I can’t sing in my choir team in
a month, and it might cool down my mind. I really need to calm my self down.

I thank GOD for His discipline rod for me. I love Him. He’s
the One who really cares for me.

Recently, before the “accident”, God taught me that the
separator between The Holy Spirit leading conscience and my own will (that
speaks smooth like a conscience) is thin. For some who discern enough it might
not a big deal (but I believe everyone learn to progress), but it impacts me.
Pernah aku ngrasa harus melakukan sesuatu (like The Holy Ghost who told me to
do so), tapi ternyata ndak. It’s my own “smooth talking” will. Dan pendidikan
itu berlanjut sampe ke acara “Let’s Fall With QQ The Iguana” berikut “Now I
Can’t Walk” show. And once again, I learned to LISTEN & OBEY MY PARENTS.
Although dulu sudah pernah dikasi praktek sama Tuhan tentang pelajaran itu,
tapi sekarang semakin diperhalus (berhubung dulunya aku susah diomongi….,
sekarang masih, tapi sudah ngacek). How come?

Begini, hari minggu itu kita (include me) tugas 2 kali, jam
4 dan jam 7 malem. Setelah pelayanan jam 4, mau mulai pelayanan jam 7, team PAW
(Praise & Worship) doa bareng lagi dan Ko Daniel (our worship leader)
bilang minta didoano soale dia merasa capek. Nah waktu maju kedepan semua, aku
sungguh-sungguh berusaha untuk mendukung praise & worship (termasuk
mendukung leader). And thank God, kita bisa bangkit, karena banyak yang ndukung
(termasuk Holy Spirit). And I was happy for it. Tapi, maybe happynya kebablasen
sampe kehilangan alert.

Sebetulnya choir boleh pulang setelah selesai praise &
worship awal yang jam 7, karena after preach choir ndak naek panggung lagi.
But, at that moment aku ndak pengen pulang langsung, ndak tau kenapa rasae
pingin banget denger firman lagi. So I decided to stay.

Mamaku pas di rumah ngomong, dia merasa ada yang ndak beres
di aku waktu aku ngomong “We stay” pas firman mau dimulai. Soale caraku ngomong
terlalu mantep. Kemantapan yang bisa membuat kita kehilangan alert tentang
pimpinan Roh Kudus yang lemah lembut. Tapi tentunya ndak salah untuk tinggal,
tapi yang dipermasalahkan adalah overjoyed yang membahayakan. Waktu mau pulang
mamaku tanya, “Kamu ndak nunggu to?”, maksud e nunggu ikut doa bareng team PAW,
tapi aku bilang kalo aku mau ikut doa. Jadi mamaku kali ini turun duluan.
Ternyata waktu turun, mamaku bilang kalo Roh Kudus memperingatkan ati-ati kalo
turun, soale iblis mau njongkrokno, dan yang diincer adalah mata kaki. Jadi
mamaku langsung bilang, “Roh Kudus lindungi saya” sambil turun tangga pelan2 –>
indahnya orang yang peka….. Nah waktu kita selesai doa bareng, karena mamaku
udah nunggu di mobil aku langsung cepet2 turun bahkan semi lari. Pas sampe
dipertengahan tangga mau turun lagi (kayaknya) aku ndak sengaja nginjek pinggir
celana panjangku sendiri and terjadilah acara “Nggulundung” sampe bawah. Begitu
di bawah ternyata aye kagak bisa langsung berdiri. Jadi duduk dulu sama nunduk.
Untung juga ada beberapa orang (include Bu Yusuf… dan Pak Yusuf), jadi dikasi
minum, dan sambil berwajah tenang I was trying to tell them that I’m OK, just
to ease their mind. Singkat crita, ditambah acara nyopir mobil bersama QQ,
nginjek-injek kopling, maka rupanya hal tersebut memperparah kaki kiri saya.
Waktu pulang I melihat ada 2 buah bola tennis (1/2 lingkaran) di sisi kiri kaki
kiri saya. It called Aboh, or in Germany Bengkak.  And I ketawa garing karena shock di kamar. Amazing.. amazing….

Ndak kepikiran kalo retak, apalagi patah, didiemin aja tu
kaki. Cuman dikasi minyak San Hong and Arak Cina, dengan harapan Senin bisa
kempesan. Ternyata Senin memang kempes (praise GOD), tapi malah ndak isa jalan
=_=. My dad telpon dari Blora, told me untuk ronsen hanya untuk checking. Tapi
aku nunggu lagi, kalau Selasa masi kayak gini, aku ronsen. And memang masih
begitu… AHAHA.. ronsen…. Dokter bilang, “Tulangmu ini patah”, dan secara
spontan I say, “Heee??????” Ndak nyangka aja.

Terus…

Forget it.

I’m getting bored of telling my story.

Intinya, mamaku ndak nyangka kalo ternyata aku yang kena
(jatuh) akhire. Dan diriku sekali lagi diajari, untuk lebih peka, membedakan
reaksi jiwaku sendiri, kedaginganku sendiri, dan tuntunan Roh Kudus. Tipis….
Setan juga bisa nyamar jadi malaikat to? Dan juga lebih peka lagi denger apa
kata ortu. Mamaku sudah bilang “Kamu nunggu doa?” dengan gelagat dan maksud:
ndak usah nunggu doa. Bukan karena apa, cuma aja mamaku krasa ndak enak. Tapi
aku ndak tanggap.

Keep on learning.. keep on learning. Amin amin…

Sekian. Dowone…. Astaga.

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